Prologue

Christmastide, 1812

Ashwell, Hertfordshire, England

Eight-year-old Caroline White, the daughter of Baron Oakham, was lying wide awake in her tiny bed, tucked in with the blanket up to her chin, just like every other night. Her governess had put her to bed right after dinner, and her parents were in the drawing room entertaining their guests. But it was still Christmas Eve, and Caroline was too excited to sleep. She thought about her father’s stern words.

‘You are not to leave your room under any circumstances, or there are no Christmas gifts for you.’

The warning was dire and clear, and Caroline did not want to risk losing her presents. Sighing in surrender, she tried closing her eyes, trying not to get distracted by the voices and laughter coming from the drawing room. Thinking it unfair that she had to sleep when her parents and their guests were still having fun downstairs, her mind drifted as she stared at the intricate swirls of her bedroom’s ceiling. Making shapes out of the patterns adorning the surface, Caroline imagined her ceiling was a snowy field, beautiful and vast. Unable to keep still any longer, she jumped up out of her bed, landed on her bare feet, and went straight to her window. Caroline gasped.

She could see that the snow had blanketed the back garden and her favorite pond, which was covered with ice, from where she was standing.  The snow was still falling in small, swirling flakes. Feeling the awe and excitement welling up inside her, Caroline grabbed her wool mittens and coat from the armoire and snuck out of her room. She took one small step after the other, and she swiftly made her way down the stairs, wincing every time the old steps creaked under her weight.

Caroline was thankful that no one had seen her and that the unlocked back door through the kitchen opened with ease. Before long, Caroline could feel the cold night air on her flustered face. Hesitating only for a few seconds, Caroline took the first step outside, her little foot crunching into the thick layer of snow. She nearly squealed with joy as she started running, stumbling, and falling into the soft snow while throwing handfuls of snow into the air. The snow fell on her blonde curls in sprinkles, disappearing in seconds.

Twirling with her arms outstretched, Caroline suddenly fell and hit something hard and realized that she had landed at the base of a tree. Looking at her surroundings, Caroline saw that she had drifted far from the back lawn of her house and into the clearing of the small forest behind it. That forest had always seemed scary to Caroline, and her father never allowed her to go in it without him or their trusted hound dog, Dottie. But tonight, the forest looked different. The snow had made everything seem peaceful and beautiful.

Enticed by how the moonlight shone in the clearing, illuminating the dancing snowflakes, Caroline walked deeper into the forest. She giggled, thinking of herself as an enchanted princess from one of her favorite bedtime tales.

It was only then that she noticed she was not alone. Half-concealed by the shadows cast from the tall trees at the edge of the clearing, a lone figure crouched in the snow. Frozen into place and thinking she might have encountered a real creature of the forest, Caroline felt curiosity coursing through her and could not help but take a few steps closer. As she approached the mysterious figure, the moonlight illuminated the scene, and Caroline no longer felt scared.

It was not a forest creature but a young boy a few years older than her. He just sat there, in the snow, looking sad and unbearably lonely. When he raised his eyes to look at her, Caroline could see that he had been crying, breaking her heart. Wiping his tears on his sleeve defiantly, he sniffled his nose.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” apologized Caroline.

The boy did not respond, still eyeing her under his long black lashes and the long dark curls that crowned his forehead. Caroline decided that he looked, unlike any boy she had ever seen before.

“Here,” she reached into the pocket of her coat and handed him her handkerchief. My name is Caroline White, the daughter of George White, Baron Oakham.” She reminded herself to add a little curtsy at the end of her introduction. Caroline had already started practicing her manners and knew that a proper lady–no matter how young–never forgot her manners.

“I’m Adam. Adam Seton, the Marquess of Derby,” he said, taking took the offered handkerchief from her hand. “Thank you.” Upon hearing the boy’s title, Caroline was glad she had remembered her manners.

“What are you doing here, Ad–my lord?” she corrected herself at the last minute.

“Please, call me Adam,” he said, and Caroline could see from the condition of his elegantly tailored clothes that he must have been sitting there for hours.

“And I could ask you the same thing,” he added, without sounding hostile. His eyes looked shy and kind, and Caroline felt that she could trust him.

“I’m not supposed to be outside. My father said I’d get no Christmas gifts.” Inexplicably, Caroline noticed how Adam’s expression fell again at her words. He bit his trembling lower lip.

“Are you alright, Adam?”

“I’m fine, but it’s just that…” Adam’s voice trailed off, and he did not finish the sentence as a sob broke through his lips.

Caroline knelt near him instinctively, not sure what she could do.

“My mother got awfully sick last Christmas. Father said she would be alright by New Year’s Eve and that we should pray. I prayed, and I prayed, and I begged. But my mother passed away a few days later.” Adam’s voice cracked at the end, and Caroline put her little hand on his shoulder.

“I hate Christmas time. It reminds me my mother is never coming back.”

“I am so sorry,” Caroline said. They stood for a few moments in silence.

“What if it’s not true?” she mused. Adam only looked at her curiously.

“What do you mean?”

“What if it’s not true that your mother is never coming back? What if she’s returning every Christmas as a snowflake? She is free and happy, swirling and dancing in the sky over you.” Caroline prompted him to look around at the beautiful snow, which had slowed but was still falling in a steady rhythm.

Adam’s eyes lightened up in hope at the sound of her words. He looked around in awe as the last tears dried on his cheeks. “I think I like your idea, Caroline.”

She gave him her brightest smile and saw him smiling in return. Seeing that she had made him happy, Caroline felt a wave of warmth deep inside of her, despite the cold.

“Would you like to hear another one?” she asked with a mischievous expression on her face. She had thought of the perfect way to cheer him up.

“Alright,” he said reluctantly.

Instead of giving him an answer, Caroline formed a small snowball with both her hands and threw it gently in his direction. It crashed with a thud on his chest and dissolved in pieces on the ground. Adam looked at her in astonishment and broke into laughter.

“I hope you’re ready for war,” he let out and started forming snowballs with his hands.

Caroline gave a small shriek and started running, looking for the best hiding spot while preparing her next shot. Adam’s snowball got her on the back, and she pretended to fall face-first into the snow.

“Caroline!” he cried out in worry.

Standing over her to see if she was hurt, Adam never saw the snowball she held in her right hand coming right at him. It nearly hit him in the face, and he fell back laughing in shock, Caroline joining by giggling victoriously.

“ADAM!” a piercing cry echoed through the trees, cutting their laughter short as they froze in place.

“Adam Seton, explain yourself right this instant!” A tall man, almost as old as her father, threaded through the snow, approaching them. Seeing the furious expression on his face, Caroline inched closer to Adam.

“Father, I’m sorry, I didn’t–” Adam started to say.

“CAROLINE?!”

This time, it was unmistakably Caroline’s father who shouted angrily in the distance. Caroline winced as she saw him making his way to them, their dog, Dottie, and a few of the servants following close behind.

“Caroline, what is the meaning of this? We’ve been looking all over for you, and all this time you’ve been with the Seton boy?! What were you thinking?” he shouted at her.

“I’m so sorry, Papa,” Caroline.

“You can bid goodbye to your Christmas gifts, young lady,” her father added as he helped her get up. “And step away from him,” he spat out.

“Surely it is your daughter who dragged my boy into this mess!” Adam’s father chimed in angrily.

“I will thank you for leaving my daughter out of this, Seton. You are trespassing on our property,” her father responded coldly. Caroline was shocked; she had never seen her father so furious.

“Oh, I can assure you this won’t happen again!” Adam’s father was fuming as he yanked his son away. “Come on, son. We’ve got no business with the likes of them.”

Locking eyes with Adam one last time and without even a chance to say goodbye, Caroline followed her father on the way back to the house in silence. A few moments later, having received a scolding from her father and disappointed looks from her mother, Caroline was clean and dry and back in her bed. Before leaving her bedroom, her father stood at the door.

“You did something very foolish tonight, Caroline,” he said in an icy tone.

“I’m sorry, Papa. I just wanted to see the snow.”

“That’s not what I mean. Although that was just as foolish, and you could have hurt yourself out there.”

Caroline’s eyelids were growing heavy with the exhaustion and the excitement of the evening, but the words her father spoke next surprised her.

“You must never, ever, again go near the Setons, do you understand? They are bad people.”

“But Papa–”

“No. You will do as I say,” the baron said before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

With a heavy sigh, Caroline closed her eyes. This time, when she pictured herself dancing in the snow while trying to catch the snowflakes, she wasn’t dancing alone.

Chapter 1

Christmastide, 1823

Ashwell, Hertfordshire, England

“It is absolutely out of the question.”

George White’s voice reverberated through the dining room, causing Caroline to drop the fork she was holding, and it hit her plate with a loud clink. Her mother, Katharine White, Baroness Oakham, sat next to her as silent and lifeless as always, as if she had not even heard her husband’s rude response to their daughter’s simple request.

“Father, you don’t understand. I haven’t seen Emily in ages,” Caroline protested. Emily Trew, her best friend and daughter of Viscount Thunderhill, lived only a few miles away from Linford Manor, and Caroline liked to visit her often. Now, only a week before Christmas, Caroline longed for an opportunity to escape for a few hours and see her friend, knowing well that she was hardly going to have a moment to herself in the coming days with all the house preparations.

Lord White finally dropped the newspaper he was reading to look at her.

“Caroline, only a fool would go outside at the moment. Can’t you see there’s a storm brewing?” her father demanded.

Caroline looked outside the window and had to resist the urge to grimace at her father’s statement. The gloomy countryside scenery spreading outside was as cloudy as ever, given that they did not get much sunlight during the winter months in Hertfordshire. Still, Caroline knew her father would use anything as an excuse to keep her in the house.

At nineteen years of age, she had experienced very few chances to be carefree and enjoy her life away from the vigilant eye of her father. But Caroline felt even more disappointed in her mother. Caroline could not deny that she loved both her parents dearly. She was grateful for everything they had done for her; they had provided her with the best education and everything she asked for growing up. But Caroline hated how cruel her father could be at times and how tolerant her mother seemed of his ways. Meek and silent, and always complying with other peoples’ wishes, Lady Oakham never voiced her views or defended Caroline in times like these. For this, Caroline could not help but resent her.

“It will only be for a few hours, Father, I promise,” Caroline pushed on.

Her father locked his piercing gaze on her face, and Caroline felt her confidence wavering. “I suggest you spend your time doing something useful instead of gossiping and tattling away with that prattler Trew. Women your age need to focus on becoming better, proper ladies.”

Caroline did not fail to notice how he had spat out the word ‘proper.’

“Father, I believe this is hardly fair. I have been mastering my skills, and Mama can attest to how my embroidery has improved–” she paused and looked at her mother expectantly, hoping she would support her claim. But Lady Oakham’s glassy eyes only rose to face her for a second before dropping back to her plate.

“Not another word, Caroline. I will be in my study, not to be disturbed.” With that, the baron stood and left Caroline and her mother sitting in silence.

“Mother–” Caroline started but did not know how to proceed.

“You should listen to your father, my dear.” Her mother wiped her mouth on her napkin and stood, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder before leaving the dining room herself. Caroline’s hope sunk further. She had learned to expect her mother’s cold responses, but this one made her feel as if she was trying to breach an impenetrable wall and constantly failing. It left a hollow space in her heart where respect and trust should have been growing.

Caroline sat there at the empty breakfast table as tears started welling up in her eyes. She always hated how her eyes teared up every time she was frustrated, and now with her father dismissing her like that and her mother ignoring her pleas for help as she always did, Caroline felt desolate. The familiar walls of the dining room, adorned with beautiful festive wraiths of laurel and rosemary, right next to her family’s portraits, now suffocated her. The weight of responsibility and judgment fell heavily on her shoulders once again, and Caroline felt her anger turn into defiance.

Her father wanted her to be the perfect daughter, and her mother would most likely thank her if she could be as silent and obedient as she was to avoid him. But Caroline was not one to give up so easily. I will not let them control me like this, she thought.

Suddenly, the doors to the dining room opened, and their footman, Thomas, walked in, startling her.

“I’m so sorry, Miss White, I thought you had already finished,” he said as his face flushed in embarrassment.

“It’s alright, Thomas. I was just leaving,” she said and stood up, leaving the servants to clean up and prepare the room for luncheon.

On the way to her room, Caroline was devising a plan.

***

“Miss, I beg you to reconsider. Please.”

Standing close behind her, Miss Barbara Grant, Caroline’s lady’s maid, was clenching her satin arm gloves in her hands with a pleading look in her eyes. Caroline was sitting in front of her vanity mirror, adding a few finishing touches to her hair. Miss Grant had already done a beautiful job gathering it all up in an elegant chignon, leaving only two well-formed curls to frame each side of her face. She had inherited her mother’s slim nose and chin, and something in the way her eyebrows arched over her eyelids reminded her of the way her father looked from certain angles. It was the only strict feature in her otherwise gentle oval-shaped face. Her pale complexion made the skin on her cheeks and neck, revealing the slightest hint of freckles to the careful eye, now appeared almost transparent in the morning light, and her green eyes were clear of the threat of tears. Caroline sighed, pinched her cheeks to add some color, and looked at her trusted friend.

“I’m not a child anymore, Grant. I will not allow him to forbid me from seeing my friend.”

“But, miss, what if we get caught?”

Miss Grant, who was only two years older than Caroline, was a highly responsible, hard-working member of the staff, and everyone loved and respected her. Caroline knew she was asking too much of her by proposing they leave the house without notifying anyone and, even worse, without her father’s permission. Yet, she would never have implicated her if she thought there was any real danger of her getting into trouble.

“It will only be for a few hours, and we’ll be cautious. You’ll get to see your friends in Emily’s house, too, and we’ll be back before anyone will miss us.”

Her maid remained unconvinced, so Caroline approached her, gently took the gloves from her hands, put them on, and gave her the most reassuring look.

“Please Grant. For me,” she pleaded.

It took Miss Grant a few moments, but finally, she gave in with an exasperated sigh.

“God knows there’s no reasoning with you, miss.”

“No, there isn’t,” Caroline flashed her a smile. “Now, what do you say, the dusty pink dress or the green one?”

Three gown changes and about three-quarters of an hour later, Caroline was sitting in front of the fireplace in Emily’s parlor with a steaming cup of tea in hand. Miss Grant had joined the other maids in the kitchens, where the coachman they had trusted to drive them there in secret was also keeping himself warm.

Emily, lively and chatty as always, had spent the best part of the past hour filling her in her brother’s latest adventures.

“Nellie says she heard him stumbling his way to his room in the first hours of the morning yesterday. I bet he was out all night with one of his notorious friends,” she said, her hazel eyes shining with amusement.

“I take it that all your maids make a habit out of staying up so late to spy on their masters then?” Caroline commented.

Emily slapped her friend’s arm teasingly.

“Only you of all people would care more about that instead of the actual news,” she said. Leaning closer to Caroline, she lowered her voice into a whisper.

“It’s that devilish man, Lord Derby, who’s stolen my brother’s wits. It’s all that we could expect knowing the lord’s reputation,” Emily added.

The sound of that name sent Caroline into deep thought, as it always did. She had never seen Adam again since that Christmas night years ago. Even though they were neighbors living on adjacent estates, her father harbored a hatred for the Setons Caroline had never been able to understand. After countless insults towards their name through all these years, she had given up trying to figure out the feud between their families.

Adam had never tried to reach out to her in return. Instead, he had made a reputation for himself as a bachelor notorious for his particular tastes in whiskey and women. Caroline did not know what to believe, but it was clear from Emily’s tone that she disapproved of the influence Lord Derby seemed to have over her brother.

“I never understood why men like to behave that way,” Caroline told Emily. “Of course, they don’t have to spend all their lives locked inside their homes, memorizing poetry and volumes on good manners as we women do,” she added bitterly.

Emily let out a chuckle, shaking her head. Her rich brown curls bounced with the movement.

“Say what you will, dearest, but as long as they bear a title, all that should hardly matter. Besides, rakes make the best husbands,” she replied with a wink. Caroline could not help but smile, but deep inside, she wished her friend behaved wiser than she spoke.

Although she would not admit it to Emily, who dreamt of nothing but making her father proud by marrying into fortune, Caroline would happily live a spinster’s life as long as it meant she would not have to face a husband she did not love. Or, for that matter, one who would make her as miserable as she guessed her mother was with her father. Besides, having suffered her father’s draconian will all these years, she would never subject herself and whatever freedom she had to the control of a husband.

But she would not share any of this with Emily in fear of sounding bitter once again, so she kept her smile on her face as she continued speaking. “Thank you again for receiving me without notice. My father has been difficult.”

Emily looked at her with sympathetic eyes. “Caroline, my dear friend, there is no need to thank me! You know how I always welcome your company. He cannot keep you locked inside the house, you know.”

Caroline opened her mouth to respond, but her breath hitched in her throat when she heard the grandfather clock suddenly striking one. She inwardly cursed as she shot up in a panic.

“Emily, I must go; please ask Nellie to fetch Grant and the coachman. We must leave at once!”

Chapter 2

Adam Seton was well into his fifth glass of whiskey. Sitting opposite to him in their favorite pub –which had aptly gained the name of Tiddly Botanist– the Honorable Henry Trew did not seem to be able to handle his liquor with the same dignity. He was present in the middle of one of his famous speeches on a topic he appeared to be most passionately opinionated.

“Look upon the fallen state of man, my good chap, lo and behold!” He broke into a snorty laugh as he pointed to the rest of the pub’s male patrons and nearly fell from his seat. The patrons in question, well-dressed men who were there to drown the sorrows of married life in the countryside with a few drinks –a lost cause, according to Henry– shot annoyed glances in the direction of the two rakish bachelors; yet, no one dared to protest.

At two and twenty, Adam had seen quite a few things so far in his life, but no one as fervently opposed to matrimony as Henry.

“They seduce us, entrap us, and then, well, the next thing you know, you have half a dozen children running around, and your life is over,” Henry added in a quieter tone, seeming a bit more pensive this time as he took a sip from his drink.

“My good man, how can the very idea of marriage make you so morose?” Adam was thoroughly amused. “Aren’t you the one who always says, ‘there is nothing greater in life than the joys a woman can offer?”

“You admit it then. You would get married.” His friend’s eyes spoke of betrayal.

Adam laughed. “Oh no, absolutely not. I believe you have misunderstood me. I do pity those who have married. Besides, I don’t believe there is a woman that could ever tame me,” he added with a crooked smirk.

“Hear! Hear!” Henry grew lively again.

“But there is still a matter I find more offensive than the idea of love and marriage, and that is man’s stupidity to believe in it,” Adam continued.

“Surely a man appreciating female grace and beauty as much and as often as you have has experienced coup de foudre at least once,” Henry remarked.

“Nonsense. I would know better than to fall in love at first sight,” Adam rolled his eyes.

‘To be wise and love exceeds man’s might.’ Henry’s expression was that of a man who had just shared a piece of his infinite wisdom.

“I can always count on you to recite the Bard even when you’re drunk, my friend,” Adam looked at him in admiration before breaking into a smile.

After a brief pause, Henry spoke up again. “Adam, I have a proposition for you.” He moved closer to him, leaning in.

“Well may God have mercy on us all,” replied Adam, loosening his cravat. His thick dark hair reached his shoulders these days, and he was getting hot with the zest of their conversation.

“Mock all you wish, but this is brilliant.” Henry gave a dramatic pause before looking at him with half-closed eyes. “You are going to marry my sister.”

Adam could not help but notice how Henry had announced this nonchalantly as if this was another casual topic of conversation. He let out a hearty laugh that shook him to his core, almost spilling his drink and staining his burgundy vest.

“I hate to disappoint you, but I will do no such thing.” He was utterly surprised by his friend’s proposition.

Granted, Emily Trew was easy on the eyes, skilled, and tolerable for a daughter of a viscount. She was also the last woman Adam would ever find himself interested in, and she lacked the spark and the energy that he always sought and had been unable to find in a companion.

Not that he was interested in a lifelong companion. Adam lived and longed for the intensity of experiencing his life as a free man, harvesting the pleasures and the thrills of his youth, the attraction between two bodies, the flame of passion hidden in anticipation of a new adventure.

“Just think of it! She does not believe in all that love nonsense either, and it is my duty as her older brother to ensure she finds a good match.” Henry leaned closer and tried to pull Adam in a drunken embrace. “Who could be better for my little sister than my best friend?” His slurred speech made his suggestion even more ridiculous to Adam.

Of course, being the heir to his father’s fortune, Henry carried a burden of responsibility with which Adam was more than familiar. Even so, Henry’s situation did not compare to Adam’s. Although Adam enjoyed the privileges of his station and intended to do right by his father’s wishes eventually by fulfilling his marital responsibilities, being pinned down and producing an heir seemed distant notions for the time being. He wished they would remain so for as long as possible.

Yet Henry’s nonsense has managed to sober me up, Adam thought as he pulled away.

“Alright, my good man, I think it’s time we took our leave. I’m sure the patrons will be glad to see the last of us for today, and you are saying things you are surely going to regret,” Adam said, laughing nervously.

“Just think of it–” Henry repeated, but Adam cut him out.

“Wait here. I’ll call for the horses,” Adam was already standing and straightening his coat. All this talk of marriage and love had made him nearly sick in his stomach, and he felt in desperate need to get some air.

***

Caroline’s body was wobbling left and right with every jolt of the carriage on the way back from Emily’s home. She had asked their coachman, Mr. Adderton, to take them back as fast as he could.  Presently, she could hear him in the front seat, urging the horses to go more quickly, which made the old carriage creak and screech at every rough patch and small crevice they crossed on the damp road. Caroline looked outside the carriage window to distract her from the burning worry that plagued her thoughts, fearing that her father would find out everything and punish her for disobeying him so blatantly.

So far, it was not working. As the afternoon light slowly died out, the dark clouds gathering in the distance seemed to Caroline like they carried the fury that was about to rain down on her. Lost in thought, Caroline hardly noticed how fast the carriage was brought into a sharp halt. With its motion stopping so abruptly, Caroline plunged forward and fell on her knees, hitting the hardwood of the carriage floor.

“Heavens! Are you alright, miss?” Grant rushed next to her from across the seat, looking disheveled.

Before Caroline could even process what had happened to give her an answer, Mr. Adderton’s coarse voice sounded from outside the carriage door.

“Miss White! Are ye alright? I am so sorry. We must ‘ave ‘it a hole quite hard.”

Caroline opened the door, took Mr. Adderton’s hand, and leaped outside, Miss Grant following her behind. The horses were still restless from the staggering break, and as Caroline started assessing their current situation, she could feel her knees growing weak from the shock.

“How soon can you get us back on the road, Mr. Adderton?” she asked.

“I’m afraid the front wheel is broken, miss. I can fix it, but I’m going to need a few hours. Yer going to have to wait ‘ere.”

In the distance, thunder broke. Caroline felt her heart sinking deeper and deeper in despair.

“No, absolutely not. We cannot stay here. I need to be back, and I’m already late. Father will be furious when he hears I took the carriage and I, oh no, I–”

“Miss, calm down, please, you’ll give yourself apoplexy,” said Miss Grant.

“Oh, why didn’t I listen to you? Of course, how could I know this would happen to us?” Caroline’s voice was slightly shaking, realizing the trouble her maid would also be in because of her.

“These things do happen, miss. I’m sure your father will be worried, but eventually, he’ll understand,” Miss Grant tried to console her.

“Do you think we should start walking to the house? It’s not that far–”

“I wouldn’t recommend that, Miss White,” Mr. Adderton’s voice came from the back of the carriage, where he was looking through an old dusty bag of tools he kept for emergencies like this. “There’s an ugly storm coming,” he added.

“But if we stay here, we’ll freeze to death!” Caroline, unsure if she was trembling from the cold or her panic, heard her voice growing louder and tried to calm herself down. She knew that they were in the middle of nowhere and that there would be no one coming to their rescue. She tried to think while she tightened her grey woolen pelisse around her.

The only family living out here so far north of the village is us and…

Caroline never finished her thought as it was suddenly interrupted by the sound of horse hooves. A second carriage was approaching them at high speed. Caroline could not believe her luck and remembered to thank her lucky stars for sending help when she needed it the most.

The coachman of the black carriage slowed the horses a few feet away from them and stopped on the other side of the road. Caroline watched with bated breath as the coachman walked to the side to help his master step outside. On the polished black wood surface of the carriage door lay the unmistakable family crest of the Setons.

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